Fearlessness in simplicity

             Ive been tongue tied for awhile now, since my birthday to be exact. things have been very exciting since then however. ive developed a new friendship with a kid named Nathan, Nathan has something wrong with him. hes not all together and i havent had the courage to ask him what it is yet, but Nathan also has this happiness to him. there was a hoedown in cub and Nathan danced alone smiling,laughing, and there seemed to be no loneliness about him. Nathan isnt scared to be himself, hes open, brave and i admire him so much. Nathan inspired me to pursue a different kind of relationship one that i had been avoiding for so long, a romantic relationship. ive known for awhile that i had feelings for this person but my rules of not opening up, and waiting for the right moments had always held me back. i asked myself "Have you considered Nathan" and i realized that Nathan would shout his love through the halls fearlessly, he would write songs and write notes. he would display this love of his tirelessly, because thats how a man like Nathan does things he does them without pause, without thought, he goes for the gold and hopes for the best. So as i lay there heart beating through my shirt my skin melting at her touch i said it, i said those three words every bachelor hates to say, the most fearful words known to man i said I Love You.  I didnt expect her to say it back i definitely didnt expect any sexual favors, all i wanted was for her to know. This risk that i took was in response to a risk that she took in asking me to stay that night, and i promised myself i wouldnt let her take any more risks after that i would put my heart on the line and always hold hers above mines. always put her feelings first, and never do anything for my own gain, society may label me foolish my friends may think ive gone mad. i would like to think that this is love, it is unfailing, selfless, and holds the person or thing it loves above itself and it holds it firmly.

Birthday

This week is my birthday, 21 years and I feel very blessed to have spent them here in Pennsylvania.
My only hope for this week is to find more creative ways of engaging the culture around me and sharing more meaningful communion with my peers. I have found over the years that being from such a broken childhood and experiencing the things i have has not pushed me away but has actually drawn me to the broken. I am forever intrigued by the fix-me-ups and all of my meaningful friendships have been formed under related circumstances. I feel my calling is to the places of dark and disturbed people who only want more than anything for someone to remind them that they are loved and that their friendship is desired. On my birthday I only want to reach more people ,I want no gift, no celebration,and no cheer if it can not be shared with someone who needs it more than me.

These are the convictions I have lived with for 20 years, soon to be 21 in about 4 hours, these are things I am ever passionate about. Loving those around me more and more and losing my selfishness day by day. I pray for the weak in spirit for the writer with no ambition in his despair, for the artist with no canvas that pleases. My heart is strong for the poor in class and spirit, and I know that i am only here for them.

So as this day unwinds I reflect on who I was, who I am, and who I desire to be.

Where in the world am I?

The idea of calling my dorm "home" is becoming more and more real to me, and the fact that i share this home with strangers is killing me softly.Part of realizing that my home is full of strangers encouraged me to host a General assembly meeting under the guise that residents would have an opportunity to voice concerns and request new supplies.

 My true intention for this meeting was for me to get an idea of what residents wanted for their community not because i cared so much about changing or improving these things for them, but because i was curious to know where their hearts were. 

Sadly enough not a soul showed up to this general assembly meeting, confirming my suspicions that,

1. Nobody cares about this community the way i do!
2. I must find more effective ways to engage my peers!

I however am not discouraged by the turnout or lack there of because it was a great opportunity to help me understand what works and what does not.I think that maybe i aimed way to high inviting residents to voice whats wrong with our hall and what they would like to see changed. I understand now that i need to set my aim on more specific smaller issues within our hall and market my meetings to specific floors or groups. 

                                         Divide and conquer 

The best of times and the worst of times

Purpose

As my first post ever on this blog i am fully convinced that this post will not be read , this idea is discouraging but at the very same time humbling. However it is my full intention to use this post as an introduction to the things that i am passionate about and what they have to do with this blog. I hope to interest folks who have a passion for community and loving others enough to cast aside our prejudices and build relationships that will strengthen our communal efforts at making a better world.

Ideology: Community, I am completely convinced that when one moves into an urban community they inherently accept their neighbors, their neighbors neighbors and so on as a loose family tie. All of their actions and efforts should in same way support the community at large. These things could be very simple such as recycling or keeping your sidewalk clean or your bushes trimmed. However for those of us who are not happy with just good enough these actions must be larger such as volunteer work, tutoring children, community gardens, and a host of other great things. It is important for us to serve our communities and participate in our areas in order for them to progress and be fruitful. Self, Each individual has the ability to do one positive thing to benefit their community and it is a responsibility of us city dwellers to acknowledge this capability taking responsibility for our own duties in helping the community we choose to be apart of. Independence, With the federal debt rising it is very important for us as a country to put more emphasis on the ways we can help the people in our communities and lessen the burden on the Fed. With an increased focus on the type of help a community can provide for itself we can free our towns from the reliance that many have developed on federal aid which gives us as a community more freedom.

College Culture

For the purposes of my current location( Shippensburg University of PA) most of this blog will be dedicated to my interpretation of community in the college culture and the work i am doing to engage the community around me, to unite this community on issues and to work towards progression on social issues here. In my first month i have been nominated to the Hall Council as a Public Relationships representative in my Residence hall( my immediate community) and in my extended community i am a member of the Kappa Delta Phi fraternity. I have been fortunate to hold status in two important places and through these positions i will begin to work towards my goal of bringing a stronger sense of community to my campus.

The college culture seems to be completely centered around the idea that the best times of their lives are right now, with partying,drinking and sexual encounters being a social norm. The irony of this is that with the emphasis my peers place on partying which is an extremely social concept i continue to see a lack of relationships being formed(that can last more than one night). This leads me to the conclusion that the lack of community felt on a college campus is the result of social interaction in a negative context, revealing the need for more positive social interactions to take place and encouragement for this positive interaction by peers.

College is supposed to be a place of exponential intellectual and social growth, and in my first month here i can honestly say that i haven't felt very encouraged to venture out socially or academically. I need the motivation and the know how to help build a positive community here with a common goal and this blog is my helper, my thoughts, my ideas, and my experiences along this journey will be shared here with you all.